Yesterday was my 28th birthday. As a kid, I always imagined my life would be over by 28. I expected to have a great job, a house, a car, a husband, and kids. I was hoping for a pink high rise condo and a pink limousine with a hot tub in the trunk (Barbie really set some unrealistic expectations for young girls…) Thank God my childhood fantasy has not come true. My friend told me women reach the peak of fertility at age 28. Despite this fact, I have no desire to have children. The only life goals I’ve achieved are landing a great job and owning a car (I’m going to get those dents fixed…I swear.) No house, no husband, and definitely no children. I do want those things eventually; I just have some slightly dysfunctional personality qualities I need to sort out first.
I’m not saying my existence as an adult is a complete sham. I believe the exact opposite. This is the first time in my life I feel like a real adult. Everyone suffers from imposter syndrome after high school or college. We all tried to act like adults, but we had no fucking idea what we were doing. When we were teenagers our parents took care of us and most of our major life decisions were heavily influenced by our parents, teachers, and others who were “more experienced.” (I know I’m coming from a very suburban middle class viewpoint, but that’s all I know). As a result, most of us went through our early to mid twenties feeling like we were making it up as we went along. We did our best with limited knowledge and experience, but deep down we were insecure and fearful of being found out. Fearful that one day the others (the real adults) would discover who we really were, imposters, fake adults who secretly left empty pizza boxes sitting on the kitchen counter for days. (For the record, I still do this.) I suffered from imposter syndrome for most of my twenties until finally at age 27 I had enough self confidence and fortitude to believe in myself and my life choices, even when I was unsure or nervous about the outcome of those decisions. I finally had the self-assurance to know no matter how limited my experience no matter the decision no matter the outcome, I would be okay.
Yet with all that said, I know there are things about myself I need to change. That’s just another facet of being a “real” adult, understanding and acknowledging your good and bad qualities. Just because you acknowledge and accept a negative personality trait, doesn’t mean you’ve settled for it. Acknowledging your weaknesses is the only way to identify your personal development needs, and accepting your weaknesses ensures you maintain your self esteem while attempting to change. Especially if change is difficult, as it often is when you’re an adult. Failing to acknowledge a weakness means you’ve settled for it, and I can’t tolerate people who settle to be less than I know they can be.
At this point if you’re thinking about your own weaknesses, and you’re beginning to feel bad or discouraged…fear not. I’m about to share an example of an area in my life that needs improvement, immense improvement. I hope after reading this you are either overwhelmed with pity or filled with a sense of camaraderie knowing you are not the only slightly dysfunctional adult.
I pick things up, put things down, and then I lose those things.
Anyone who knows me knows I am messy and scatterbrained and extremely forgetful. I’m not stupid. There is nothing wrong with my short term memory. I actually have a great memory. The problem is my ADD brain. I literally put something down and get carried away by another thought or activity and develop complete amnesia regarding the object as well as its location. I once put my TV remote in the refrigerator while getting a beer. When I couldn’t find it, I figured it was late, and I should go to bed and the remote would turn up in the morning (as if it was a lost dog with a brain and legs, and it would somehow find it’s way home). The next morning, low and behold, I found the remote in the fridge…it was like the final scene in the movie, Homeward Bound, when the kids are reunited with their animals. I knew it would come back to me!
In addition to this, I have a bad habit of picking things up (such as bottles and boxes of food), emptying their contents, and then not disposing of them in the appropriate receptacle. Instead, I usually put empty bottles and/or food containers back in the fridge or pantry.
As illustrated in Exhibit A:
Believe it or not folks, all those beer bottles are empty. I finished them and then proceeded to put them back in the fridge. I don’t discriminate against beverage type either. As demonstrated in Exhibit A, I also hoard empty Starbucks cups and Powerade bottles.
Furthermore, while writing this post, I came to the realization that in the time it took to snap that picture I could have easily removed the bottles from the fridge and placed them in the recycling bin. And since this post is about acknowledging your weaknesses in order to change them, I decided to set a good example by doing just that.
Unfortunately, what happened next is best illustrated in Exhibit B:
Perhaps I should’ve taken out my recycling (something I haven’t done in two weeks) before deciding today would be the day I finally clean out my fridge…
Anomalous Narratives 